I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
