I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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