you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
