.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
being pregnant is like rehab
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have already put on my inside pants.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
