Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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