I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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