pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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