I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Help. Why am I so naked?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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