We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
cat food counts as protein by the way
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
