I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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