I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
