Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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