Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I puked a lego.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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