I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
50% drunk capacity currently
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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