Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
