woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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