Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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