Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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