Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
