he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
