i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just cropdusted the office
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
