Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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