She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
