some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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