from now on my penis is your penis
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
