also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
