we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
