I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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