I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
