Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
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