that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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