oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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