His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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