do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hippo gnu deer
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
