Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
