my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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