She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
