So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
