You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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