I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
