just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
