think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
