She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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