After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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