I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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