Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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