I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
