Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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