his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
