I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
