Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
