Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
