we have pet lesbian snakes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize