I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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