Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
