Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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