and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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