K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
