so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
