i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
